Midnight Thoughts!

When it’s 3:33 am and you are wide awake thinking about the countless drunk nights spent with friend. When life used to be a blur and everything around seemed happy. Today is one such night. I am up not because I am thinking about what my boyfriend might be doing or whether he will love me forever or not but because of thoughts about future, will working at this place pay me more to save for the future? Will I be able to buy the house which I have been dreaming about? Will I be able to travel to all these places in my lifetime?

Life was simple few years back. There were no social media apps and no way to keep track of who is going where and who is doing what. We were more living for each day, in the present. All that we used to look forward was that one text from the loved one. That one meeting at the coffee shop and that one warm hug on a cold winter night. It’s all virtual now. It’s all about the money, savings, future, kids, home, furniture and what not. I know I will be foolish to ask for things to go back to how they used to be but sometimes I feel like everything has changed so quickly that it didn’t give us enough time to learn and unlearn. I am stuck somewhere in between, longing to belong to the old times and new and eventually not belonging anywhere.

I used to love finding books which made me happy. I still buy books but I hardly get time to read them. Every 15 seconds, I am checking my phone for new updates and messages or to see which celebrity is going where or who is eating what. It used to make me happy before, looking at all the places one can explore and things one could eat but not anymore. It all looks so made up and fake. As if someones putting up a facade. This is not original, it’s fake.

I went through this phase few months back and that’s how this blog started. I wanted to get out of the bubble I was trapped in and wanted to focus my energy on things which I enjoyed doing. That’s why I have decided I am going to stay away from social media for a while. It is going to be difficult because I am so hooked on it but I am going to try. It’s not a detox. It will be permanent this time. I am going to feel the moments and not live them for the gram anymore. Hopefully, it will help me navigate through this roller coaster of a life in a different way. Hopefully, it will make me think less about others and help me connect with my true self again. Hopefully, it will make me the person I was few years back, happy, joyful and with a don’t give a damn attitude.

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